I have had so much time to think about what has happened. I fear all I have are my thoughts. I miss him so much I feel empty inside. I look at the bed beside me and I feel so alone. I try to smile and I feel like I am falling apart. My sister has been great and all I want to do is go home. Is that crazy? What I wanted so bad, I got and I want to return. How insane is that? I look at all I have done and all he has done and where did I go wrong? Did I not love him enough? Did I not try harder? Did I give up to easy? I have so many questions that all I have are thoughts. I woke this morning detemined to smile and nit feel bad about it. I cry in silence every chance I get. At times so uncontrolably I don't even understand. I want to feel loved. I never had that. I would give anything to have someone love me 100%. Nothing but pure love. I have talked to my children and they still want to be with me and don't blame me. Why can't we love like children with no limit, no conditions, no worries, nothing but love. I have my streaght in them. Children can teach us alot. We can hurt them and send them through hell and they will still be there with open arms. I am bleesed to have such wonderful kids. I know they want to see me and I plan to do it soon, I just need some time with my thoughts. I want them to see me be ok. Thank you all for being here for me. I really need you all right now. Thank you.